Damn you HSN
by abstractular
Summary: I freaking hate it when Sakura gets put on missions without me. I mean, not only do I get stuck with the “miss you” feeling. But I also get to experience the everpopular “I wonder if she’s hurt…or DEAD!” feeling. Yeah, that one is a total keeper.


A/N: Anyone who has read ANY of my previous works, should go to my profile right now and read the note, because if I get any lip about "I thought you were sasu/saku" I will be one unhappy camper.

Damn you HSN 

Missing someone sucks.

Like I seriously can't think of a worse feeling in the world, and I have felt some seriously messed up shit. Ever wonder what it feels like to have a piece of driftwood lodged in your rib cage? It is not a nice feeling, my friend. Not nice at all.

Missing someone, to me, is probably ten times worse.

Because to miss someone so much that it really starts to suck, that would mean that you love them.

I freaking hate it when Sakura gets put on missions without me. I mean, not only do I get stuck with the "miss you" feeling. But I also get to experience the ever-popular "I wonder if she's hurt…or DEAD!" feeling. Yeah, that one is a _total_ keeper.

And then, because of those feelings, I can't sleep at night. So I sit up and watch TV while munching on the ice cream sandwiches that she left in the freezer. Which is also bad, because not only does she yell at me when she gets back for steeling her ice cream, but she yells at me for buying stuff from infomercials.

Hey, one day she'll thank me that we have two kitten cookie jars. She just doesn't know it yet. And I don't care if she calls me a lazy son of a bitch, that battery operated toothbrush saves like five minutes of brushing.

But still…it leaves me in this predicament of being completely useless when my girlfriend is away.

Some great fucking ninja I am, I don't even feel like kicking Lee's ass if I don't come home to her scolding me.

It sucks when she's gone. It sucks so much. It sucks to lay in bed at night and not have the warm spot next to me, it sucks to not have the alarm clock go off at six to tell her she should be at the hospital, it sucks to not procrastinate her departure to the hospital by showing her exactly what advantages come with staying in bed all day, and it sucks to have to fake smiles. Do I look like Sai to you?

But…but the part where she comes home, that is one of the best feelings I could ever ask for. To see her walk through the door all dirty and exhausted and give me a smile with a mutter of "I'm home." That's when the feeling of relief comes back. When my skin feels warm again and I get to hug her to me, know that she's real and alive and there…and she loves me back.

But this…this feeling that I'm experiencing right now…

I hate it.

"Naruto? Naruto are you there?! NARUTO!"

I grabbed the phone from the kitchen floor where it fell next to me.

"I…I'm here Ino…"

Is that my voice? Why does it sound so small?

Ino sighed on the other line; her voice came out more gentle. "She needs you here Naruto. How fast can you get here?"

I took a deep breath. "One minute. I can be there in one minute by jutsu. What floor are you on?"

"Seventh."

"Ino?"

"Yeah?"

My fingers twisted in the phone cord, I could feel my hands shaking. "How bad is she?"

Silence.

"Ino…"

"…Just get here soon, okay?"

With a click, the line went dead. The phone fell away from my ear, and I stared at it in my hand for a few moments, as if it would explain to me what exactly just happened. The full story of what Sakura's best friend just told me.

Sakura's mission went wrong.

She lost a lot of blood.

The ANBU found her in a field.

She was taken to the hospital immediately.

I blinked once. Twice. Thrice.

Yes, I can use words like "thrice".

I felt my stomach clench, my heart pump, and suddenly it was very cold in my apartment. I hung up the phone and a dry sob ripped from my throat. I tried to form a hand seal, the one I had seen Kakashi use so many times before he left in smoke…but it took several tries to get my hands to stop shaking enough to get it right.

Sensei never told me that this jutsu would feel like someone was shoving a plunger on your head and attempting to suck you out of a toilet and spit you out some place else.

My head throbbed as I walked through the smoke that came with me into the hospital. Where the hell did that shit come from anyway? Did jutsu's have their own special effects? Like, did some dip-shit just think it'd be cool to spit smoke everywhere to announce their presence? Because that really is rather annoying. It's not like in the movies, the smoke stays there for a good two minutes, and sometimes it can set the fire alarms off.

The first person I saw when the smoke cleared was Ino. She looked like crap. Her scrubs were bloody, so were her hands, the ponytail that normally tightly held back the platinum blonde hair was loose and wisps were coming out of it. Dark circles stood out, surrounding normally cocky baby blues. She sighed when she saw me, and she grabbed my wrist and led me to a closed door.

"Now…I haven't called anyone else yet, because I thought you should be the first to know…the first to see."

Huh. Considerate of her.

"But the Hokage is on her way. She'll know what to do. She always does."

Her hand slid down my wrist and she grabbed a few of my fingers. In that single moment she stared at me, I saw a part of Ino that I had never seen before. I saw the little girl that Sakura would play with as a child. The one who would get scared and alone. The one…who was simply too frightened for her best friend.

"Now…I should warn you Naruto…she…she may look really bad. But the important thing is that she's breathing, and she has a steady pulse."

It was then that I noticed just how much dried blood coated her hands. She followed my gaze and dropped my fingers, shoving her hand inside her pocket.

"That's her blood…isn't it?"

Her eyes looked around the white hallway. They looked like ping-pong balls getting thrown from side to side…trying to stare at anything from me. I was familiar with that gesture. I used to get it al the time as a kid. Who's that Mommy? Oh just the kid with the fox in him, don't look, it could be contagious. But the comforting thing about this was that Ino wasn't avoiding my eyes because of the fox. She was avoiding me because my girlfriend was in there…and apparently pretty bad…and she didn't want to be the one to cause my freak out when I saw just how bad she was. Don't kill the messenger, right?

"Just…just don't leave her tonight okay? She hasn't woken up yet…but if I'm anything like the medic she is, then I estimate she should wake up in a few hours."

With that statement, Ino nodded at me once and then left to go behind the desk in the corner. I watched her pick up a file and flip through it for a minute before turning to face the door. I lifted a hand and laid it on the doorknob. What would it be like behind there? How bad was she really? Would I be sick? What if she wasn't that bad? Maybe Ino was simply a bitch that liked to tease…wow that was harsh of me. Ino was a bitch sure, but she wouldn't tease about this.

Well, no way to find out but to see for my own eyes, right? Time to open the door.

Oh…oh fuck…fuck no…no, no, no, no, no.

A hand flew to my mouth and I turned away, but it was no use.

I, Uzumaki Naruto, puked my guts out in the hall of the seventh floor of Konoha Hospital.

The world was silent. It was like I had water in my ears, and everything was muted. I knew that Ino had shouted my name and that two nurses were running over to see if I was all right but I couldn't hear their feet hit the tile. I was staring right at the contents of my stomach, and even the disgusting taste on my tongue was muted.

That girl in there…who was she? Surly it couldn't have been Sakura. Not my Sakura. Not my strong, kind girl.

I wiped my mouth with my jacket sleeve and ignored the nurses, ignored the pained stare that Ino was giving me behind the counter, ignored everything but the urge to turn around and walk back in that room. To see if that body really was the same girl who left me with a smile and a hug three weeks back.

She looked so horrible. So beyond horrible. What's something to describe beyond horrible? I couldn't think of it right now.

Her forehead was covered in white bandages. Her eyes were puffy and purple and one was almost swollen shut. She had stitches on her cheek. Her ear was bandaged…someone sliced her ear…who slices an ear? She had a mask on over her nose and mouth…but I could tell that her lip was split and her nose was bruised. God, that was just her face…her left arm was lying limply on the mattress next to her, the elbow looked like it had been bent the wrong way, and it only moments ago had been righted. Her shoulder had a bandage over it, and her fingers were all in tiny casts…someone broke her fingers.

I slowly treaded toward the bed, and once I got next to the mattress I fell to my knees, staring with wide eyes at her broken body. I didn't dare attempt to look under the sheets of the bed; I fear what I would find. Something told me it was far worse. I let my fingers brush her right shoulder, feather light, and they slid down her arm…I noticed stitches on her elbow, and then to her broken hand. I grabbed hold of it softly, they broke the fingers on this hand too…cut it, broke it, scarred it.

When did she become so fragile? She was always so strong. These hands saved lives, took lives, delivered births, these hands were calloused, but gentle. They didn't deserve to be broken and swollen and purple.

Another dry sob escaped my throat.

How is it that when the time that crying would be normal to do, I just can't do it?

She looked so…empty. Like a shell. The light that normally shined through was dim, like a candle that was about to blow out. Her natural glow was lost. But I knew she was in there. She had to be in there somewhere. I could feel it. Her mind was dark…and she hates the dark, she told me so once. So she must be freaked. She's probably…probably looking for something to grab on to. Something familiar and warm.

"Sakura-chan." I whispered.

I sounded like I was twelve again, so I tried to clear my throat as I grabbed her hand with both of mine. It was so cold.

"I don't know if this will work or not. But I know that whenever I feel like crap you always seem to get me out of my funk, so here it goes...what the hell happened Sakura? It wasn't supposed to be like this. This isn't how we do things...you were supposed to come home tonight to find me chowing down on one of the Neapolitans, then you would frown at me and call me an ice cream stealer before you laughed and were finally...finally home."

My hands tightened on hers, and I took a deep breath, trying to continue. She needed to hear this. She needed to know that I was here. That I had her hand and that I would get her through this.

"That's how we do things...but this...This isn't you...But you're in there...somewhere...Behind all that foggy darkness in your mind I know that you're sitting there, and you probably feel really alone, which is why I'm talking to you. You know what I hate? Heh...I hate that, even though you look like shit...and mind you, you do...even though you look so bad...you're still so damn beautiful...how is that even possible? That is some serious skill right there."

I lifted one of my hands away from hers and brushed her bangs away from her face. She really was quite beautiful…my beautiful broken girl. My teeth scraped my lip, and I leaned forward so my mouth was right next to her ear, the words I spoke for her and her alone.

"You have to get out of this, okay? It's time to wake up...we're all...we're all waiting on you. I mean...who...who am I going to come home to...who's gonna keep the bed warm...what am I going to do with all those books in the living room? Who's going to force me to eat veggies? I...I can't...Sakura please...I...I haven't said I love you in three weeks...haven't heard your voice or seen your smile in three weeks...and it wasn't supposed to be the last time...the last kiss shouldn't have been quick, the last smile shouldn't have been a good bye...you...you have to wake up because...I am so damn lost right now...and you always made everything bright..."

That did it. I was gone. My head fell next to hers as sobs racked my body. This couldn't be happening. Remember how I said missing someone was the worst feeling in the world?

I was wrong.

My hand kept stroking her hair, the other one latched to her small hand, her bed sheets were getting wet with my tears, but I couldn't care less.

A large hand lay on my shoulder, and I didn't have to look to know who's it was. I let go of her hand and put it on top of Kakashi's, gripping his fingers like they were a lifeline. He knew how I was, how this felt, he told me once that he knew a girl who meant a lot to him, and she was ripped away from him.

"She needs to wake up Sensei." I sobbed. "She has to. She has to."

His voice was soft when he spoke.

"She will, Naruto. You have to believe that she will."

"She has to. She has to. She has to."

It was a mantra. The one sentence that seemed to allow me to keep my sanity. I couldn't stand this.

"Who did this to her?"

"I don't know. I didn't know anything about her mission."

Anger swelled in me. White hot, steaming blind rage. Whoever did this would pay sorely for the crime that they have committed. They are six feet under, and I will put them in the ground if it is the last thing I do. They will go down in shredded pieces.

For a split second I thought of Sasuke…this must be what he felt like his entire life.

God no wonder he was so fucked up.

"I will kill them Kakashi." My voice sounded feral, even to me. "I will kill them all. I will slit their throats and smile as I do so."

The hand on my shoulder tightened. "Naruto…what would this girl say if she heard those words come out of your mouth right now?"

"Probably say 'give 'em hell kid.'"

"Naruto."

I sighed, her face appearing in my mind, her voice as clear as a summer sky.

"They were just doing their job, Naruto, just like I was. Don't get me wrong, I would be more than happy to kick their ass from her to the sound village, but I wouldn't wish Orochimaru on even my worst enemy…convenient since Orochimaru IS my worst enemy."

The hand shook on my shoulder and I looked up to see my old sensei's visible eye crinkle in a smile.

"Sorry," he chuckled. "But you sounded so much like her, it was kind of frightening. That's exactly what she would say."

I sniffed a little, before grimacing. Ew, snot snorting. Not exactly my favorite past time.

"Will she wake up, Sensei?"

He sighed, his hand dropped from my shoulder.

"I don't know, Naruto…I wish I could give you an honest answer. I do know that…she saved Kiba, Shino, and Neji's life."

My brow furrowed. "She did?"

"Mmm. They were badly wounded too. She gave them most of her chakra, fixing their wounds and giving them enough to escape. They came here early this morning, told Tsunade about Sakura."

"And how her body was found in an empty field." I snapped.

"…Yes. Naruto, you need to understand…she did what she thought was best-"

"YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND!" I shot to my feet and pushed him away. "THIS IS SAKURA! _MY_ SAKURA! YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE MISSION AND I'M TALKING ABOUT WATCHING MY GIRLFRIEND DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! WHY DON'T YOU GIVE A SHIT! WHY DON'T YOU CARE?! SHE'S YOUR STUDENT FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

I shouldn't have been yelling at him. It wasn't his fault. Kakashi didn't do anything. He was helping in the only way he knew how, and here I was taking my anger out of him. What a jackass I've become. My tirade had ended and I was just standing there, fists clenched, hyperventilating, on the verge of tears again. He was just standing there, looking at me with that sad grey eye.

"I do care." He finally said. "But me flying off the handle isn't going to help her case any. So what if I went out to get revenge, would that make her wake up faster? If that were the case, then I would be out there now, finding the bastards. We are shinobi Naruto. This is our job. This is our life. You knew that the day you signed up for the academy when you were five. Sakura knew it too. This was the life that she chose. I understand that you are angry and don't know what to do. But instead of feeling angry, why don't you be glad that you have a woman who would give her life to save others. A woman who is strong, and brave enough to stand her ground in the face of overwhelming odds. Any man would be honored to have someone like her in their lives."

My hands clenched, and then relaxed. He was true, about most of it anyway, Sakura was the best damn thing that ever happened to me. And I should understand her strength enough to have faith that she'll get through this.

What kind of man am I to not trust the strength of the person who can manage to put up with me every day?

That was that then. She would get through this. God help me she would, because if she didn't…well I didn't want to think of that, but it would be bad. Horrible even.

"Now," Kakashi sighed. "I am going to make a few phone calls to your friends, and get some water."

He pulled out that stupid orange book, and walked out of the room just as Ino walked in.

She went right past me and over to Sakura, checking the machine that she was hooked to before she wrote something in the chart that she held. The blonde sighed and rubbed her temples, staring at her best friend for a minute before she turned to me.

"She was worse when she was brought in. We did our best to heal all the minor wounds. But she has been scheduled to go in for major surgery in ten minutes. The ninja that did this…tortured her. She has some internal bleeding and her ribs are broken. There's a tear in her heart as well…that needs to be fixed within the next hour…or she will die."

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her, like if I gave her a stern "don't shit with me" look then she would just tell me it was April fools or something. Just kidding, Naruto, your girl is gonna be fine. She'll be home tomorrow. Yeah, keep dreaming Uzumaki.

"I recommend that you stay here overnight. It's not exactly smiled upon…but if anyone gives you lip, just tell them Yamanaka told you that you could. Don't bitch at them though."

I nodded and she walked out without a second glance. Why were people that worked in hospitals always so prissy? I mean it's like Sakura is a totally different person when she's here. She's all don't-bother-me-I'm-at-work-I'm-gonna-eat-joo-if-you-talk-to-me-rawr!

I sighed and sat down at the table next to the bed. Kakashi was right…I had to be optimistic. Sakura wouldn't want to wake up and have me be all growley. That would just make her feel like crap. Better smile. Have to smile. She likes it when I smile.

I laid my head on the table and stared at her. Suddenly I was tired, so tired. I can't keep my eyes open…but I shouldn't sleep tonight. What if she wakes up, and I miss it? Someone would wake me right? She would wake me wouldn't she? Or Ino? Kakashi would.

Right…?

Right…

_CLACK!!_

My eyes shot open as the sound of metal bouncing echoed in my ears. Some nurses were surrounding Sakura, putting her back in her bed. Did I sleep through her entire operation and not know it? Damn, I suck. I should have stayed awake.

She looks different now. She doesn't have the breathing mask on her face, and she's got more bandages around her body. The nurses adjusted her body, and stuck an IV in her before hanging her chart at the end of her bed and leaving.

I grabbed the arm rests of my chair and lifted it up, waddling like a duck over to her bed until my knees hit the side of her mattress and I set the chair down. My eyes hurt; they felt really big and puffy. Probably looked that way too.

I grabbed her hand again and slowly brought it to my lips, kissing the swollen knuckles of her fingers before laying the back of her hand against my cheek. Her chest was rising and falling in a slow pace, which was good right? I wonder what she was dreaming, or if she was dreaming at all.

I rested my head down against her thigh, keeping her hand at my face. It was comforting; she would do this when we were at home watching TV, my head in her lap. It felt…like things could almost be normal again…if we tried hard enough.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. Three thirty in the morning. She wouldn't mind if I just rested my eyes a bit. Only for a little while.

…I think I was dreaming. It was the springtime, and the cherry blossom leaves were falling. The air smelled nice, it felt soft, if air could have a feeling. Sakura was sparring with Kakashi, and they were laughing…joking around as they landed kicks and punches. She looked over at me, her large green eyes shining with joy as she smiled.

"Come on Naruto! We can bring him down together! We did it before!"

I grinned and shook my head. "This is your fight this time! You can take him down without me!"

She huffed out a sigh. "You're so dumb! It'd be easier with you here!"

"Naruto!"

The laughter in her voice changed…it became faded, less happy.

"Naruto."

It was getting quieter…she was still smiling, but her voice was quiet. It sounded like it hurt her to speak.

"Naruto…"

The wind blew my hair, but it felt more solid…tangible. Like someone…someone was stroking my head.

I opened my eyes. So I _was_ dreaming. I blinked a few times before lifting my head up, feeling a crick pop and strain in my neck. Great, that's what I get for sleeping in a ninety-degree angle. I looked over to the girl in the bed, and felt relief wash over me.

Her eyes were open, they weren't the vibrant green I was used to, but they were open. Her hand was in my hair, brushing around my ears softly as she stared at me. She smiled a little, as much as her chapped, torn lips would allow her to.

"Hey."

Her voice sounded raspy and low. I took the hand that was in my hair and held it in my own, all while smiling at her.

"Hello you."

"Time?"

I glanced at the clock. "Eight twenty five."

She tried to swallow a lump that formed in her throat, but ended up coughing some. I let go of her hand and walked to the door, opening it and looking out to the empty hallway. Shouldn't some doctors be doing rounds or something? That's what they did on TV all the time. I finally saw a nurse walk by and I grabbed her arm.

"Um, Haruno Sakura is awake now, and if someone could get a doctor and some water for her, that'd be awesome."

The nurse nodded and scurried off. I turned back to the room and contemplated turning on the light. I decided against it, it would probably hurt her eyes, and I didn't exactly want to see how awful she truly was. I sat back down in my chair, and she laced her fingers through mine, tugging on my hand a little.

"Lay with me."

I shook my head. "Sakura, I can't, you're really injured, I might set something loose, like an IV or something, or make your bones bend the wrong way. Plus, I don't think that bed was made for two."

Her fingers tightened around mine, and she winced a little. "Na…Naruto…haven't seen you…three weeks…been…" She couldn't talk anymore, it hurt her voice and she tried to swallow.

"Been lonely." I completed for her.

She nodded, her tired eyes glazing over with tears. I heard her breath shake as she inhaled, and I nodded at her.

"Okay Sakura-chan. Okay."

She smiled softly, and tried to shift a little more to the left side of the bed, but she winced and took in a breath of pain, so I stopped her.

"It's fine. Just stay where you are. I'll be okay at the edge."

She raised a bandaged eyebrow, but waited me to get settled. I made sure to press myself as close to the railing as I could, and even though it was uncomfortable as hell, I was totally okay with the fact that a metal bar was going to lodge itself into my skin with my spine. She scooted into my chest and fisted her hands in my jacket. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her to me as tightly as I could without putting pressure on her; at least I hope that's what I was doing. I felt her nose slide against my throat, and her breath puffed against my collarbone. I buried my face in her hair and took a deep breath. Even in the mix of all the sterile smells, she still had the same scent. It was comforting. It was…the smell that came to mind when I thought of home.

I felt her breathing deepen and her body slackened in my grip so I knew that she had fallen asleep again. I kissed the crown of her head and whispered words that I had been dying to say ever since she walked out the door.

"I love you."

It was in the way that her head shifted, that her lips brushed against my chest, that I knew she had heard me. She always seems to hear me, whether it is in sleep, coma, or distance. She just seems to know. Just like I know what her response is in the way that she shifts more towards my body, or the slight twitch in her fingers when she's unconscious, or the shiver that I get down my back when she's gone.

It's one of those things that you just know. You can just feel it in your veins.

I was so glad she was home; so glad she was breathing with me.

…So glad that she would be two sore to kick my ass for buying fifteen multicolored towel racks.


End file.
